that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
