im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
