I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize