you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My vagina is officially offended.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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