I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
