I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I need to calm my uterus...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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