I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
