Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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