How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
