everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
