we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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