Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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