wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
