I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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