so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
