1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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