I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
either way he was missing a nipple.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
