I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
