No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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