return my video game
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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