The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
its liver damage thursday
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
