I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
