Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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