So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
