so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
