Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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