Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize