Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
