I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
