don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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