he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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