I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
