i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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