I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
