this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
