For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
