I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
