she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We were destined to go to rehab together
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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