yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
