from now on my penis is your penis
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
