Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i love accidental penises.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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