Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Randomize
