I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
