In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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