Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
