She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
