to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
