after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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