Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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