dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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