Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
