Have you finally orgasmed yet?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize