I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
