How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
im six kinds of drunk right now
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize