The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
