I am puke
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
this hospital has no fireball
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
