do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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