I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize