i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
