Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
