Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
