You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
