i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
