Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
