Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
she peed on how many people?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
