OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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