Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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