I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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